I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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