come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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