Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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