thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
