She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
