i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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