She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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