Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
