just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
