She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
