I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
