So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
