I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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