did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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