Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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