im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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