You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
