I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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