I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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