Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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