you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
