my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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