The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
