I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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