its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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