yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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