rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
