my sisters under your porch take her home
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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