We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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