lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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