.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dignity is for republicans.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
