Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
