she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The uberlube is also flammable
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
