had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
