I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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