I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
