It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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