I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
