mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
