Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
