the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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