when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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