i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
