I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
