i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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