if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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