this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
