Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize