so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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