I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
