it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
