Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
