He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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