i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
