i wish starbucks made bloody marys
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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