dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
