i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
