If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
