She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
