So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize