We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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