Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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