True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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