I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
