You smell like stripper and shame
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
