"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
