he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Small penises have feelings too.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
