I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize