I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
