You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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