I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
