If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize