I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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