I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
