Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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