Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
