He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
