absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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