so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize