Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
