When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
