did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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