I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found puke in my bra..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
