I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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