there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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