I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
