so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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