Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
