is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
