Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
