Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Never underestimate the power of titties
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