I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize