with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
