i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
