(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize