id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
