Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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