wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
