i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
