Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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