and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
