I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
