some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize