Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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