Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
