I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize