She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
