dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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