Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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