So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
