Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize