I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
