i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
