i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
