THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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