i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
