Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize