I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
