so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
