dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize