Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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